Saturday, March 19, 2011

Dear April

Many may not know that I have two half-sisters, April and Tracy, from my Dad's first marriage. I do not know much about them. I've actually only met April once, when I was three, right before my brother was born. I do not remember this time, I read a letter about it that I found many years later. I don't remember when I was told I had these sisters, I just always remember knowing. It wasn't a big secret or anything. With all that said, a few days after Christmas my sister, April, died after being very sick for sometime.
She had lost all contact with both her mom and her dad (my dad). As far as I know the only family she had contact with was her husband, who tried to convince her to talk to her parents again. She didn't. At some point in her life, she turned her back on them. She was so full of anger, hurt, and bitterness that she abandoned her connections with both her mom and dad. Even when she was dying, instead of forgiving she took her anger to her grave. She wasn't even willing to allow them to reach out to her.
By not allowing my dad to know her anymore, by turning her back on him, she gave up an amazing opportunity to know her brother and sister. She gave up our chance of having an older sister (which I have always dreamed of having). I have come to terms with this and I have forgiven April for making that decision for us all. I just wish I had the opportunity to meet her again and tell her that. So, here is a letter I wish I could have sent...

Dear April,

I am sorry for the pain you have chosen to live your life with. I am sorry for the anger, the rage, the bitterness that must be buried deep inside your heart. I hope that in time, you can learn to forgive those who have caused you pain. I want you to know, that I forgive you. When you chose to cut your parents out of your life, you chose to keep me from having an older sister. I never knew you and always wanted to. It took me along time to forgive you for the hurt and pain you have caused me and my family. I hope that you will learn to understand that even though I never had a chance to know you as my sister, that you will always be my sister. I would have done anything for you, and that is something I always wanted to tell you.

I forgive you.

Your sister forever, Kimberly

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"If I am in a position to punish, chances are very good that I am also in a position to teach. Today I reduce the odds that punishment may be necessary by taking the opportunity to teach." ~Anonymous~

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